“Five. Six. And seven. Eight. Plié. And relevé.” Mistress Porizkova paced back and forth in front of the full-length mirror.
“You’re such a slut.”
I tried to ignore Chrissy and focus on the timing. Mistress Porizkova didn’t watch us during warmups, but she had a sixth sense for when we were doing something wrong.
“Come on, you know you are,” Chrissy whispered in my ear. “Everyone knows that you slept with Nicholas so he could convince his mom to let you have the part of Giselle.”
“That’s not true. Nick and I are just friends.” I would never sleep with someone to get a part, but people get angry and spread rumors.
“You know it is.” I resisted the urge to turn around and slap Chrissy. She had never been my friend, but I thought she was nicer than this. I took a breath and focused on the movements, hoping to show Chrissy that I had enough talent to perform the part of Giselle.
**********************************************************************
“Hey, Chrissy,” Chrissy sat on the wooden floor of the studio, unlacing her pointe shoes. “Can I ask you something?”
Chrissy smiled up at me, “Yeah, what’s up?” How is this the same person?
“Um, were you trying to talk to me earlier at the barre?”
“No, I wasn’t, sorry.” Chrissy’s brow furrowed, and she shook her head. Then, who could she have been talking to?
“Oh, okay, sorry about that.” I didn’t want to start a fight, especially not over some petty rumor.
Chrissy grabbed her dance bag and headed towards the door, “It’s all good. Oh, and by the way, congratulations on getting the part of Giselle.”
“Thanks.” What!?
********************************************************************
“Ana, do you hear the music or not? Tendu front. Plié. Tendu side. Plié.” Mistress Porizkova clapped to the beat of the piano player as I wished for the ground to swallow me whole. I couldn’t stop thinking about how Chrissy could be so mean to me at the barre and then act like nothing happened when I asked her.
“God,” Chrissy scoffed. “You’re such an idiot.” Don’t listen to her. Focus on the music. Tendu front. Plié. Tendu side. Plié. Tendu back. Plié. Tendu –
“No wonder you had to sleep with Nick. You obviously have no talent as a dancer.” I glanced over at Nick and then his mom, wondering how neither of them could hear Chrissy.
“Please stop.”
“Maybe if you keep sleeping with him, he can ask his mommy to leave you alone during rehearsal.” I’ve had it.
“Can you please stop talking about me?” I whipped my head around to look at Chrissy, standing directly behind me, with a look of confusion on her face.
“Ana, turn around,” Chrissy’s mouth barely moved as she continued on with the exercise. How did Mistress Porizkova not hear her?
“Ana, what is so important that you can’t focus on the exercise?” Damn Mistress Porizkova and her sixth sense. I tried to go back to dancing, but I couldn’t.
“Don’t pretend like you haven’t been tormenting me for like the past week. I’m tired of it!”
Chrissy stopped moving. Everyone stopped moving.
“What, what are you talking about?” Chrissy had the nerve to look like she was going to cry.
“What am I talking about?” I laughed. “I’m talking about you calling me a slut and a horrible dancer!” My ears were ringing as I felt Mistress Porizkova’s hand on my arm, leading Chrissy and me out of the room and mentioning something about Rond de jambs.
“I don’t know what the problem is between you two girls, but it needs to be resolved before next week.” Mistress Porizkova pulled the door to the studio closed as we stood in the waiting room. “I’m not going to have any drama during dress rehearsal.”
“I’m sorry, Mistress. I don’t even know what Ana is talking about.” Oh, don’t act so innocent now.
Mistress Porizkova looked at me, waiting for an explanation.
“Chrissy was whispering horrible things to me during barre. I just want an apology and for it to stop.”
“But I don’t know what you’re talking about, Ana. I would never say those things!” Tears welled in Chrissy’s eyes, and I tried not to roll mine. Now she was trying to pretend to be a victim after basically harassing me throughout practice.
“I am honestly shocked at this accusation, Ana.” Mistress Porizkova glanced at Chrissy. “I suggest that you apologize and try to patch things up before next week.” With that, Mistress Porizkova went back into the studio.
“Ana, really, I have not said anything to you during barre, and even if I did, I wouldn’t say such terrible things to you.” Chrissy grabbed my arm, her hands chilling my skin. “But I’m sorry if I did something to hurt you.”
“Just don’t talk to me again.”
**********************************************************************
Chrissy was silent the rest of the week, but it didn’t really feel like a relief. Instead, I found myself lying awake at night, going over what happened in my head. How could she say that she never said anything to me when I literally heard her?
Still, I felt a little guilty. Chrissy had just started out at the dance studio, and my outburst made it ten times harder for her to make friends. No one really wanted to talk to her, and when I’d see her sitting by herself in the dressing room, I felt as if this was somehow my fault. But it wasn’t. She was the one who was talking about you.
It wasn’t a good week to be losing sleep, either. Dress rehearsals had begun, and Mistress Porizkova had us dancing for twelve hours each day. Getting a good night’s sleep was important, but my brain just couldn’t shut off.
“No, no, no. Stephanie, you’re not getting the timing right. Do it again.” I stood in the wings as Mistress Porizkova had Stephanie perform the Myrtha variation for what felt like the fifteenth time. I tried to not fall asleep standing up and to focus on the dance. Mistress Porizkova wanted me to provide feedback for the fellow dancers in the production, and I wouldn’t be able to help Stephanie if I was sleeping.
“God, she’s such a bitch.” Not again. It wasn’t Chrissy this time, but Fiona, who had also auditioned for the role of Giselle and was cast as Berthe, Giselle’s mom.
“I know. She thinks she’s so special because she has the lead role, but everyone knows how she got that role.” I could picture Jenna elbowing Fiona as she said this, completely oblivious to the fact that I could hear them. Or they just didn’t care.
The laughter of Jenna and Fiona filtered into the wings, and I turned around, shocked to see that Chrissy wasn’t among them. So, they all feel this way? I didn’t have it in me to confront them. Besides, I couldn’t really afford to be standing up for myself right now. We had a ballet to perform. Fiona and Jenna stopped laughing when we made eye contact and smiled at me.
I didn’t smile back.
************************************************************************
Opening night was going perfectly both on and off stage. Everyone seemed to remember the steps and the timing, and more importantly, I hadn’t heard anyone talking about me all day.
The only problem was that I was exhausted. I had to use more makeup than usual to cover up the dark circles under my eyes, and I barely had enough energy to act as the happy and innocent Giselle, even if it did kind of go along with her heart condition.
The first act was coming to a close, and I tried to tell myself to use as much energy as I could in order to show Giselle’s distress and eventual descent into madness and death. The music’s quick pace made it difficult for me to keep up with the timing. Just stay focused on the steps. You’re almost there. Just remember the timing. One, two, three, -
Suddenly, the conductor started laughing.
I tried to stay focused. Ignore it. Focus on the dance. Think of the timing. One, two, three, four. One, -
He laughed again, and this time, the audience started laughing along with him.
I stopped moving, but the laughing didn’t stop.
Nick approached me, acting like a repentant prince, and whispered, “Ana, what are you doing?”
He reached for my arm, pulling me to try and get me to move, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t hear the music over the laughter and had completely lost the timing.
“I can’t,” I whispered back.
Fiona danced up to me, whispering something, but I couldn’t hear what she said over the laughter. Why were they laughing? What did I do?
“No, no,” I stepped back and shook my head. “Stop. Stop. Stop!”
The music stopped, and the conductor stood poised with his baton still in the air as his brows came together in confusion.
“All of you stop laughing at me!” Even though the bright lights shone in my eyes, I could make out some faces in the front row, looking confused. Why are you so confused? You should know better than to laugh in the middle of a performance.
Fiona put her hands on my shoulders, “Come on, Ana. Let’s go take a break, okay?” A break? I haven’t even died yet!
“No!” I pulled away from Fiona. “They were all laughing. I couldn’t hear the music.”
I looked around at everyone onstage. Why do they all look so confused? Didn’t they hear it?
Mistress Porizkova walked out on stage, apologizing and saying that I was unwell. But I’m not! They were laughing at me!
“I can finish the dance,” I backed away from Mistress Porizkova as the laughing started up again in the very back rows of the theater. “There it is again! Tell them to stop!”
“Honey, no one is laughing.” Mistress Porizkova came up to me as Nick tightly wrapped his arms around me like a straitjacket.
“No! I can hear them!” I struggled against Nick as the laughter slowly got louder. “I can hear them, I swear! I’m not crazy, okay? I’m not crazy!”