I remember my high school sports days; the atmosphere, enthusiasm, and excitement I was able to experience in four different varsity sports. I was fortunate to be a natural athlete, and I thrived on my positive, team-oriented playing style and attitude. I appreciated other athletes who played their hearts out regardless of ability, but were able to let it all go and enjoy life when each battle was over.
I have especially fond memories of feedback I received from opponents’ parents who “got it.” One afternoon, our struggling field hockey team fought Radnor to a 0-0 tie despite being outshot something like 41-0. My assistant coach told me he would never forget that game. I was the goalie. A Radnor parent yelled to me from behind the cage, “Hey goalie, knock it off, we’re trying to win this thing!” I turned and smiled at him. He was not out of line; he was actually giving me and my hard-working defensive fullbacks a huge compliment while expressing his frustration at our gutsy and tireless efforts to keep the ball out of our net, because Lord knew we weren’t going to score down the other end.
I recall another time, in basketball, as I exited the “girls” gym for a drink during the JV team warmups. I wore #11, and my senior co-captain and awesome teammate for six great years (we made varsity together as freshmen after meeting in 7th grade and playing two years of middle school ball together) wore #24. One father, also a Radnor parent, yelled, “Hey #11, how long have you and #24 been playing together? You two have eyes in the back of your head on that court.” I turned, smiled, and said, “Since 7th grade, thank you, sir.”
So where has all this sportsmanship gone? I really wonder, as I now have my own son, a gifted athlete, playing at the same high school that I attended. In harsh contrast to what I encountered, he hears this (names are not true to situation, of course):
“Hey Ty, if Pat gets the puck you jump offsides.”
“Get out of my son’s way so he can fight the kid.”
Better yet, fathers with alcohol on their breath pull my son aside after games and tell him to do more himself, and not listen to his coaches. This has happened with both school and travel teams, and in more than one sport. My son handles it well. He says thank you for the compliment, ignores the other part, and continues to listen to his coaches as best he can.
The irony is these are parents from my son’s own team. Really? I will say that opposition parents and players have often shown good sportsmanship towards my son, and I am sure other athletes, as recently as this season. (Thank you to the multiple Haverford parents who tracked my son down after our game to pay him compliments, such as how much they enjoyed watching him play and how well he used his teammates.)
To me, this exemplifies class, sportsmanship, and respect to all the youth athletes who are truly dedicated to making themselves better as teammates, athletes, and all-around people. But when you factor in the other parents, like those who start yapping back and forth with opposing fans as if they were 15 again, and you listen to your own team’s parents trying to organize a cheer against the opposing goalie or player, it’s just flat-out disheartening.
Ultimately, though, I want to express how much it hurts as a parent to see my son deal with this kind of adult behavior towards him, when he has never once wanted more for himself than his team. His conversations both before and after games with Mom and Dad, and his performance in games, has repeatedly made me proud of his work ethic, humility, dedication, and concern for fellow teammates in all seven sports he has actively played over the years.
Yet, over those years, he has asked us why Mr. So-And-So doesn’t like him, and why does he yell the wrong things to his kids, and why do parents act like that? We finally had to explain to him, earlier than we would have liked, that some adults are envious of kids who have natural talents, and just don’t have the character to behave like adults. Why is it that a youth athlete with the “right” mentality often behaves more maturely and appropriately than the parents? It shouldn’t be that way. Parents should be the ones setting the example.
The question I raise is, “How can we do this?” Everyone turns the other cheek, they don’t want to get involved, they “didn’t hear it”, etc. To all the true adult fans out there, consider getting involved. It isn’t fair that youth athletes listening to this should have to deal with it on top of all the other pressures and responsibilities they carry. From my vantage point, it’s just not much fun anymore, even though my son is doing very well as a high school and travel athlete. How can we go back to having fun, and appreciating what every kid, athlete, and/or player brings to the table? The next time you attend your daughter or son’s game, match, or event, think about this.